The Bull’s recent acquisition and subsequent rebranding under the Tatler Weekly name has been resoundingly popular among the student body. After only a few editions, the Weekly editors have been inundated with overwhelmingly enthusiastic feedback including “It provides a more engaging and comprehensive look into the weekly goings-on at Lakeside,” “It’s a different color now, which is cool,” and “They changed the Bull? Really? No one told me.”

In the wake of this success, Tatler leadership has elected to continue pushing for brand expansion. On March 3, a press conference led by editors-in-chief Koreb T. ’26 and Samara N. ’26 launched a new strategic framework entitled the Gain-Oriented and Robust Growth Enterprise (GORGE).

 “GORGE will shape Tatler’s future as a major player in the school-based media space,” Koreb noted. “Under GORGE, Tatler will build a more expansive brand portfolio that captures key markets, moving beyond simply targeting ‘people who read Tatler.’”

 “We’re going to GORGE ourselves on the competition,” interjected former Tatler copyeditor and recently announced Tatler Quality Assurance Coordinator (QuACK) Deniz I. ’28.

 “I’ll see myself out,” he added moments later. 

While the specifics of GORGE have been largely kept behind closed doors, Tatler can reveal that the first step involves a hostile takeover of Tatler’s primary rival, the ineffectual and substandard Numidian. 

 “I wouldn’t call it a hostile takeover,” said Samara. “We’re just buying out Numidian and restructuring it against the wishes of its management.” When informed that this is a textbook description of a hostile takeover, the editor-in-chief replied, “Hmm.”

Raymond Z. ’27, Tatler’s new Brand Officer and Trademark Chief (BOTCh), has emphasized that the Numidian takeover will maintain consistency with the branding structure established by the Tatler Weekly. At the first ever Tatler investor meeting on March 10, Raymond hinted that the former Numidian will be rebranded as the Tatler Yearly. 

The sheer joy following this announcement has sparked a frenzy of acquisitions as Tatler staff members attempt to buy other organizations throughout the school, which Raymond notes has led to some hasty and “not fully thought-through” rebrands. “We briefly had two Weeklies on the books before the Editors-in-Chief noticed and suggested that we rename Assembly Committee to the Tatler Wednesdaily … which is nice.”

Following a notable decline in the media relevance of proposed acquisitions, including Debate Club (Tatler Argumentatively), SAC (Tatler Conscientiously), and Lakeside Poets Society (Tatler Metrically), Tatler’s QuACK has stepped in to recenter GORGE on the creation of high-quality media productions and publications. 

“Quality control at Tatler starts from within,” Deniz asserted. “If we want to go through with a successful brand expansion, we have to ensure that what’s already under the Tatler umbrella is also consistent with our values.” He specifically referenced longtime Tatler subsidiary Imago, claiming that “there’s no ‘ly’ in Imago at all … this is the kind of internal unprofessionalism I hope to weed out under GORGE.” 

Against the strong protestations of Imago Editor-in-Chief Cailyn C. ’26, who noted that she “already did all the design with the name Imago on the cover,” Deniz signed a document officially renaming Imago to Tatler Seasonally. 

The document also mentions a need to rename the Tatler website to Tatler Electronically “by whatever means necessary,” with Deniz proclaiming that he “will get [Web Chief] Brian [H. ’27] fired, if that’s what it will take.”

The editors-in-chief have openly backed these changes on the grounds that they will “provide a strong foundation for the continued expansion of the brand through GORGE.” They already appear to have been proven correct. As early as March 18, Tatler signed deals with Student Government and Judicial Committee to take control of their newsletters, renaming them to Tatler Occasionally and Tatler Unfortunately respectively. 

Tatler’s team expects GORGE to jump-start a new era, bringing Tatler fully into the modern world of monopolistic media conglomerates. “I’m incredibly proud of what the students are accomplishing here,” said faculty advisor Jim Collins. “At the end of the day, the true mark of your success as a media organization is not the impact of individual articles, but the number of other organizations you consume. It gives you a quantifiable goal to work towards as a team.” He hopes that by the end of the academic year, “Tatler’s coffers will hold more than the endowment of Lakeside itself.”

Koreb is thrilled by what the future may hold under GORGE. “It’s something entirely new,” she concluded with a smile. “I’m deeply looking forward to working with Samara, our BOTCh, our QuACK, and the amazing Tatler staff on the Weekly, Wednesdaily, Electronically, Seasonally, Yearly, Occasionally, and Unfortunately in the coming months.”