Have you ever picked up your plate of bone-dry roast pork, strutted over to the hot sauce rack, and then just stood there cluelessly puzzling over the myriad shades of red, yellow, and green?
One random rainy Friday in the middle of April, we, Smriti and Timothy, decided to resolve your hot sauce hardships and taste- test all ten hot sauces featured in our expansive and underutilized sauce station.
First, a little background on our ranking system. We tested these sauces in waves, first focusing on the “reds” (the largest section), then the “yellows” and “greens.” For each sauce, we ranked using two scales: spice (1 meaning least spicy to 5 meaning most spicy) and flavor (1 meaning most bland to 5 meaning best). It’s important to note that we ranked these sauces against each other rather than holistically. For example, while sriracha is on the milder side when it comes to the average hot sauce you might find in a grocery store, in comparison to the sauce selection we’ve tested, it’s got a little bit more of a kick.
THE REDS
Huy Fong Sriracha
Spice: 3/5
Flavor: 4.5/5
Smriti: Can you really go wrong with this one? The spice, while subtle at first, grows into a pleasant numbness that outranks the spiciness of most of the other sauces we’ve reviewed. Additionally, sriracha possesses a more distinct flavor compared to its peers — the tanginess from the vinegar makes it feel fresh, while the garlic offsets that freshness with a richness that permeates through every meal. My personal favorite way to consume this sauce is by dousing my rice with it, but you could honestly make it work with anything. It’s a staple for a reason.
Tim: Starting off with a classic, sriracha packs an umami kick perfect for meats, or Asian dishes like noodles, fried rice, and curry. Sriracha is an incredibly versatile sauce, so versatile that I would consider eating it by itself! On my backpacking trip in Death Valley, I guzzled a quarter liter of Sriracha in a single day by topping off goldfish, Chex Mix, and even dried mango.
Texas Pete
Spice: 2/5
Flavor: 3.5/5
Tim: Ooh, okay. I had doubts eyeing the bottle because it looked like another boring hot sauce, until the spoonful of Texas Pete touched my lips. I like my liquid spice to prick my tongue — as I always say, if it don’t hurt, add another squirt. Texas Pete and my taste buds are a match made in heaven. With a sharp, straight-to-the-point punch with a limey tang, it’s a sauce that doesn’t try to accomplish too much, delivering a flavor that will elevate any Mexican dish with a few drops. After many years, I think I have finally found the perfect taco hot sauce. Although it isn’t deathly spicy, the spice-to-flavor ratio is one to die for.
Smriti: I fear Texas Pete wasn’t as religious an experience for me as it was for Tim. The tang on this one is nice, but that’s pretty much all I was able to get from it. If the spice had been more prevalent, maybe I could have seen this one working for me, but alas! I will say that the idea of Texas Pete with nachos sounds pretty good … but for other dishes? I don’t know if I can say that this is the sauce that comes to mind first.
Frank’s RedHot
Spice: 2.5/5
Flavor: 3.5/5
Smriti: Ok, so this is what I was expecting Texas Pete to taste like. I don’t know why, but the first note my tongue picked up when tasting this was a sort of green apple, pectin-y taste. Shortly after that, the sweetness subsides to reveal an acidic and piquant aftertaste. I think this sauce is actually quite versatile; its multifaceted flavor makes it something that I could see working for a variety of dishes (wings, mac and cheese, burgers, french fries, or pretty much anything you would traditionally eat with ketchup). However, I can also see how some might find the sweetness at the beginning a little too jarring, especially with a typical savory meal.
Tim: For readers who don’t read thesauruses for fun, here’s the scoop: RedHot brings a sweet and jalapeno flavor that reminds me of Mexican mango candies with jalapeno powder. It’s a bit too peppery in my opinion, but is a great complement to fruits. Too sweet to work with dishes, but I believe that this sauce would work great with sour mango. Drop a few to add a boot to any fruit!
Tabasco
Spice: 3/5
Flavor: 3/5
Tim: Although a classic (and one I’d recommend for pizza), I was mildly disappointed when I tried this. It’s sweet, green (yes, it tastes exactly like how you’d expect the color to taste), and a little smoky, but didn’t quite feel like the same enhancement I remembered on top of tacos as a child. However, you can’t really go wrong with this.
Smriti: Tabasco isn’t something that I would consider to stand out generally, but this is probably the only sauce on this list that I would describe as “smoky.” Otherwise, not really a standout, but certainly good.
THE YELLOWS
Heartbeat Mango
Spice: 0.5/5
Flavor: 4/5
Tim: This is less of a hot sauce than a mango paste. If you want spice, you are not getting it here. But if you want to boost your teriyaki chicken and rice, welcome to flavor town! When I tried the sauce, Upper School History Teacher Bill Souser was walking by with a Hawaiian shirt, and I feel like this sauce encapsulates that tropical vibe perfectly. I would die if I had this with jerk chicken. Oh, and it’s a bomb sauce for sandwiches.
Smriti: Putting this in a hot sauce review feels a little off considering how unspicy it is, but the flavor is seriously insane. I absolutely agree that this would be such a good sauce to use in a sandwich. If you’re a mango lover (and also have a really low spice tolerance), then definitely try this one out. If you’re a spice fiend … you might want to layer another sauce over this one.
Yellowbird
Spice: 5/5
Flavor: 4.5/5
Tim: When the sauce dripped from the bottle onto the plate, the air in the room shifted. Immediately, an intoxicating combination of meaty habanero and pungent spice flooded the student center. In your mouth, this sauce is no joke. Even as a professional hot sauce eater with a max of 150,000 Scoville Heat Units, I had to drink two cups of milk. It’s the spiciest you’ll get at Lakeside, but boy, does it deliver in flavor. Like the sriracha, I consumed half a bottle of this on my backpacking trip on the first day. Think stir fry, rice, meats, anything. I would say this is the top dog of Lakeside hot sauces.
Smriti: This one has already been a recurring ingredient in my lunches, so I can’t say that I’m not a little biased here. But the flavor on this one? Crazy good. And the spice level is, without a doubt, the strongest you will find on the sauce rack. If you take anything from this entire sauce review, let it be that you have to try this at least once. Please.
THE GREENS
El Yucateco
Spice: 5/5
Flavor: green/5
Smriti: To be honest, I couldn’t really tell whether this was actually spicy or if it was just the aftermath of the Yellowbird seeping into my taste buds. Regardless, it certainly packs a strong punch, which I can appreciate. Now the flavor … um. OK, if I had to describe this in one word, it would be “green.” Like … it tastes like the color green — and that’s not necessarily a “bad” thing per se, but it’s not good enough to be a neutral thing. Just like the Texas Pete, this would go nicely with tacos or nachos. Not much beyond that.
Tim: I agree with Smriti. It tastes kinda like grass. Very earthy. Peppery, for sure. I would say it can work for nachos? But it’s a flavor that’s trying too hard but doesn’t know what it’s doing. Also, the sauce looks kinda gross in my opinion. Also, youch, this packs a punch! About as spicy as the Yellowbird — buyer beware!
Zhoug (pronounced like “skhoog”)
Spice: 2/5
Flavor: 3/5
Smriti: Yes, the sauce from the same brand behind the spicy harissa hot sauce, which, for a glorious yet brief time, once graced the hot sauce rack (RIP, you will be missed). Suffice to say, I had high expectations going into this. Although I can’t say it lives up to its harissa counterpart … this one is pretty good. Unlike El Yucateco, this sauce is oily and herbaceous. I’ve never had fish, but based on what I’ve heard it tastes like, I think the Zhoug would go pretty well with it. Certainly one of the most unique flavors I’ve ever tasted in a hot sauce. (Thanks to Deniz I. ’28 for the correct pronunciation, because I completely butchered it).
Tim: This olive oil-like sauce is less spicy, but definitely a flavor sauce. When I first tasted this, I immediately thought “fish,” and then, I thought “steak,” which would both pair fantastically. If SAGE ever serves cod again, I’m racing to the spice rack for Zhoug. Also, apparently it’s from Yemen!
SEASONINGS
Tajín
Spice: 2/5
Flavor: 4.5/5
Tim: Wow, wow, wow! Alder G. ’28 was NOT joking when he martyred himself for Tajín. My eyes lit up with ecstasy when my fingerful of Tajín sprinkled over my tongue. It’s like flavor sand; rocks of salt, sugar, pepper, and lemon explode in your mouth like inert Pop Rocks. The usage of Tajín is 100% not limited to fruit. Sweet and savory, I would recommend this on all foods. I myself will definitely be using Tajín more often for all my meals. The only critique is that it’s a little salty. Oh, also not spicy. But that’s ok!
Smriti: I’m not gonna be able to say anything about Tajín that we already don’t know, so take this as a confirmation that it’s just as good as we already know it to be. It’s citrusy and delicious. My only qualm is that it could be spicier, but it tastes so good that I honestly don’t care.
Pepper Flakes
Spice: 4/5
Flavor: 0.5/5
Smriti: Look. I’ve never tasted lint before (like most people), but if I had to guess what it did taste like, pepper flakes would be the first thing to come to mind. The flavor is an absolute nothing burger. On the upside, it’s actually on the spicier side of the offerings on the rack, so that’s something, I guess.
Tim: “???” That’s my reaction to eating pepper flakes. I don’t know what you expect; Smriti said it best — it literally tastes like dust. Quite spicy though, especially if you unlock the capsaicin in the seeds. Maybe it has a job for training for Hot Ones?
CONCLUSIONS AND RECOMMENDATIONS
Tim: I walked away from the spice tasting with dizziness, but also with a renewed sense of inspiration. Three sauces especially blew me away today: Texas Pete, Tajin, and Zhoug.
For meats, stick with sriracha or Yellowbird. Noodles and fried rice, choose Heartbeat Mango, sriracha, or Yellowbird. Sandwiches? Heartbeat Mango as well. For fish and beef, choose Zhoug! For Taco Tuesday, stick with Texas Pete.
However, the biggest surprise today and the No. 1 sauce/seasoning I’d recommend to try … Tajín. For any meal you want to boost with flavor, try out this seasoning. It’s a gem. I would literally eat this raw.
Smriti: My first recommendation will always be Yellowbird on default, but more specifically:
If you want some interesting flavors to spice up a boring meal, try the Heartbeat Mango and the Zhoug.
If you want straight-up spice (and don’t particularly care about flavor), go with El Yucateco or a gracious helping of red pepper flakes.
Finally, if you’re looking for a good balance between flavor and heat, Sriracha is an easy go-to.
OVERALL WINNER (flavor + spice): Yellowbird
