Dear Lakeside …
With recent inflation, the rise of oil and gas prices, and a … situation in the Strait of Hormuz, everyone wants to survive in the current economy — including Lakeside. In March, the Lakeside administration began discussing plans to raise tuition. The Parents and Guardians Association, dismayed, declared they would find a way to give Lakeside money. They frantically searched for other ways to increase funds but after a failed bake sale, they became desperate. They bought thousands of stocks, but their measures didn’t stop there. They sold tickets to Lakeside’s production of Anything Goes on black markets for thousands of dollars and even auctioned Bill Gates’ computer, earning Lakeside a spare $815 million. However, as they rushed to Lakeside’s board to explain their victorious news, they realized that their unlucky purchase of Android stock earlier that month had brought them over two billion dollars in debt. Dejected, they arrived at the board meeting and opened their mouths to explain the horrible news, their stomachs lurching with horror and shame.
Suddenly, Tatler editors-in-chief Samara N. and Koreb T. ’26 burst into the room, carrying giant stacks of newspapers, explaining they had a solution to Lakeside’s debt. “I was sitting at home when I got the Tatler Tip that Lakeside would need to raise its tuition,” Koreb explains. “Samara and I rushed to Lakeside to break the glorious news.”
Tatler’s solution to Lakeside’s debt is to run ads in their newspaper and send the funds to the Lakeside administration.
“[The PGA] gave us a standing ovation when we told them,” said Samara. “They were overcome with tears and were so grateful Tatler was ready to save the day again.”
Tatler foresees running these ads for the next two school years. From there, they’ll discuss whether further ads are needed or if Lakeside has the proper funds to keep the school running.
If you’re interested in running an advertisement in the Tatler newspaper, please email us at tatler.advertisements@lakesideschool.org with your ad or talk to Nami G. or Matthew K. ’28 in person, and we’ll give you a price estimate! You do not have to attend Lakeside School to run an ad.
NOTE: Lakeside’s currency consists of either tea bags (around 50 cents) or completed Honors Geo homework packets (around 4 dollars).
Ever wish there was a silent room to do homework? Do you live far away and want a bedroom on campus? Rent a room in the new building! Pay 15 SAGE tea bags to make a room exclusively yours for a month. Any classes taking place in the rented classroom will move to their original locations in Moore or Allen Gates. Swing by Mr. Boccuzzi’s desk during office hours to learn more.
Are you an upperclassman tutor finished with your service hours? Try this new opportunity to make extra cash for your college funds! As of April 1, you can get paid by students to do assignments for them.
Starting rate for all tutors: 2 SAGE tea bags per homework assignment and 5 Honors Geo packets for an essay or project, with double the fees if less than 24 hours’ notice was given. Email lakesidetutors@lakesideschool.org for more details.
Bored(?). Join Numidian and wrok on a yearbook. tktk We meet evrey Tuesday to take photos of students and produce a signular product for students to look at. No expeirence required just excitement to wast etime. unlike tatler, we hvae actualy Useful positions, so nothing likea CopyEditor, & instead u acc spend (waste) time on useful things!!!1! tktk
Does your car speed past glossy Genesises and pristine Porsches and suddenly feel insecure about the faded dust on its sunroof? Well, fear no more: Bob’s Car Wash is here to help! We do everything from featherdusting your car to putting glossy wax along the sides to make it feel brand new! And for Cars’ Mental Health Month, we have a discount — we’ll give your car an entire cleanup for just 2 Honors Geo packets! Your car’s confidence matters to us and Bob’s Carwash is here to help!
If you want to play a thrilling water sport full of fun and friends, join the swim team. But if you want to be a part of something superior and dedicated to reshaping Lakeside’s future, join us. For free.
NOTE: Joining means willingness to commit heinous crimes and self-sacrifices towards a greater cause.
We meet after school. In the boathouse.
Signed,
The Crew Cult