LGBTQ&A: December


Advice on showing subtle pride and engaging in bi culture!(iStock)

This is an anonymous advice column for all your LGBTQ+ questions. Members of the Tatler Staff who identify in this group will be answering all of your wonderful musings this month. We welcome all questions and will answer them to the best of our ability. Please submit questions for the next issue to the Tatler poll!


What are good ways to show subtle pride without outing yourself to family?

If you’re comfortable being out at school, with specific friends, or wherever you feel comfortable, that can be a great way to show some pride in your identity without putting yourself in an uncomfortable or potentially dangerous situation. Otherwise, subtle coloring can be good: despite not being out to my family, I have a bracelet with my pride flag’s colors on it, and something like that or a phone case or whatever it may be, can be a good method that doesn’t put you at any risk, especially if your parents are relatively uninformed.


What are your thoughts on the heteronormativity of girls asking boys for the winter ball, and vica versa for spring fling? What do you think can be done about it? 

Although it’s not technically stated anymore (the dance names changed from TOLO and OLOT, explicitly gendered asks), the girls ask/guys ask tradition does seem to be a very well and alive. However, I know plenty of girls who have asked each other to this year’s Winter Ball (both platonically and romantically) and I’m sure there are gay couples going together. Yes, the gendered ask is a culture surrounding these two more formal dances, but it’s not particularly strong. Go live your life. Ask whomever you want whenever you want, and know that no one will judge you for it. 


What sex education do LGBTQ students need to know that was left out of wellness’ curriculum?

I think the most important aspect to address is just general awareness. We need to acknowledge that LGBTQ+ people can have different experiences than cishet people, but there may also be overlap. It’s important to acknowledge the history, like the AIDS epidemic, talking about STIs, and talking about other types of protection besides condoms, like dental dams. For the most part, though, the same sex education applies. Always use protection, always talk about STIs, and always ask for consent!


how do i engage in bi culture if im bad at stylishly thrift shopping

I would say that the best way to engage in bi culture is to find yourself some bi friends. While this is certainly easier said than done, it’s not nearly as difficult to meet other bis as you might expect. The number one easiest spot to engage in the LGBTQ+ community, be that as a bisexual or otherwise, is Bunker. Because Bunker is designed to be a place for vulnerability and honesty, you could walk in not knowing a single person there and come out of it after the short 45 minutes with a sense of companionship. Being in a space with other LGBTQ+ people makes it easy to share common experiences, which is key to engaging in queer culture in general. Another way to be more involved in the community is by consuming more bi media in general (queer lit/shows/movies are a great place to start!). If you feel comfortable enough, you can even be more open about it by wearing pride pins or putting flag stickers on your phone or laptop. And, if nothing else, be certain to cuff your pants at all costs. It’s a must.