At Tatler, we understand the indispensable role your monthly horoscopes play in navigating life’s tumultuous waters, because who can live without them? So here’s your indispensable guide to this month’s celestial whispers, tailored exclusively to our devoted readers.

Aries: March 21 – April 19
Dear Aries, it’s your time to bask in the limelight (as if you needed reminding). But remember, not everything is a race. Save your competitive streak for worthy battles, like prank wars — where victory is the sweetest revenge.

Taurus: April 20 – May 20
As Tauruses love to tout and as the rest of us know by heart, “Tauruses have an eye for the finer things in life.” We know how indulgent and stubborn you can be about your collections of Hermes Birkins and Chanel handbags, but this is the month when you finally let that go. Who knows, you might find beauty in simplicity.

Gemini: May 21 – June 21
Geminis, please remember the rest of us are only human. We don’t have all the energy you have to pursue those billions of passions and pursuits. The rest of us have to sleep at least 12 hours a day. So this month, take it easy.

Cancer: June 22 – July 22
Cancers, your sentimental nature is endearing, but it’s time to break out of your shell. Share your feelings with the world; we promise not to judge.

Leo: July 23 – August 22
Leos, face it. However much you might like to believe it, you are not the dream heroes in every book and movie, vanquishing villains and prevailing no matter the odds. You’re only human, just with a big heart and an unhealthy amount of cheerfulness.

Virgo: August 23 – September 22
Perfection is overrated, Virgos. This month, embrace imperfection. Let your hair down, try abstract art, and let emotions lead the way. Let emotions decide all your actions. This is the month to get rid of all this logical thinking and embrace floating and flying.

Libra: September 23 – October 23
Balance is key, Libras. Why not test your skills on a tightrope? It’s all about finding harmony, after all.

Scorpio: October 24 – November 21
We all know that the widely advertised switch to SAGE dining was a direct response by a Scorpio after they were pranked into throwing away their lunch one day. But to all Scorpios, remember to stay calm and breathe — after all, with the start of April, there are only more pranks to come.

Sagittarius: November 22 – December 21
Free-spirited, independent, and self-driven people like Sagittarians need to stop creating new paths. Remember, as trail guides always say, stay on the trail and take the path more traveled. Avoid venturing off into the wilderness and always keep a family member or friend close next to you. It’s important to rid yourself of that “independence” you carry around. As you enter the adult world, dependence on others is key to survival and progress.

Capricorn: December 22 – January 19
Loosen up, Capricorns! Your stoicism is impressive, but spontaneity can be liberating. I’ll be honest here, none of us are fazed by your incredible self-control and stiff facial expressions. Embrace the chaos — your face won’t crack, we promise.

Aquarius: January 20 – February 18
Open-mindedness is a virtue, Aquarians, but sometimes a little skepticism is healthy. Embrace the Closed Mindset this month — clarity awaits. Resist changes so you gain clarity and focus on what truly matters to you.

Pisces: February 19 – March 20
Pisceans, your meticulous planning is admirable, but why not try flying by the seat of your pants this month? Destroy that planner and watch productivity soar. This will help you achieve the highest level of productivity and efficiency, as you won’t have to even spend time planning (because you can’t).

Remember, dear readers, take these horoscopes with a grain of salt — or perhaps a whole shaker. After all, life’s greatest adventures are often unplanned.