After a few advice-less issues, Tatler has finally decided to bring back the age-old column to ring in the start of the new year. I know, I know. You were anxiously waiting for this moment to finally have your deepest questions answered in the Tatler advice column. Well, the wait is over! Get ready to be inundated with wise counsel once again.

But that’s not to say there aren’t a few changes this time around: If you read this article’s byline, you’ll notice it’s me, staff writer Sachi T. ’26  – not your usual sages Lucy and Zane. New year, new Tatler, right? Lucy and Zane have moved on to bigger, better things (aka being Editors-in-Chief) since their days of answering questions, so they’ve left some big shoes to fill. I only wear a Women’s size 8, so let’s hope I can live up to their high advising bar.

Q: How do I get an A in Honors Physics?

A: As a fellow Honors Physics student, I feel your struggle. First, you need to make sure that you understand the material that’s being taught during class, so you don’t feel overwhelmed before tests. Ask clarifying questions to your teacher while they’re explaining; if you’re confused about something, chances are someone else is too. Pre-test, do an in-depth review of all the toughest questions from the packet, and try to see if you can explain the general concepts to a sibling or parent. Go through old tests and feedback to see what your areas of improvement are and how you plan to target them for the future. For example, if you need to work on your written explanations, write a test-worthy solution for a Pokémon problem from one of the packets. If all else fails, memorize and recite complicated physics formulas until your teacher concedes that you are indeed a stellar physics student who deserves not only an A in Honors Physics but a free pass to skip the rest of the classes during the year. That’s my plan if I realize I totally failed the moon project. Then again, maybe you just can’t catch ’em all. 

Q: What should I invest in?

A: Time? Stocks? Bitcoin? It depends on what you mean. Invest your time in whatever makes you happy. Hang out with your friends and family or take a couple minutes out of your day to read my hilarious Tatler columns and articles. As for money, I’m not going to claim to be a professional investor or economics whiz, but my safest strategy for buying stocks is to go with something tried-and-tested. Buy a small stock in a company that you know is guaranteed not to fail within the next few years like Amazon or Apple. If you’re genuinely interested in investing your money though, please do not listen to my advice on this topic. Instead, look through the vast multiverse otherwise known as the Internet for predictions from real investors.

Q: My crush is sending me mixed signals. Help!

A: Here’s my read on the situation: they like you and don’t know how to admit it, or they like you and aren’t completely interested in a serious relationship. Another possibility is that they don’t like you, but they’re embarrassingly unaware of these “mixed signals” they’re sending. You need to find out which one it is before you take any further action. Try asking either your or their friends for input on the situation based on what the mixed signals actually are. You could also try to strike up a conversation with them to see how they react. In the end, honesty is the best policy, and if the mixed signals continue or you’re still confused about their feelings towards you, you should confront them about the situation (in a non-hostile way).

Q: How do I study for an IPA?

A: Studying for IPAs is intentionally difficult because they’re meant to test your Spanish comprehension skills rather than how well you can memorize vocab and conjugations. Definitely do the practice test your teacher posts on Canvas. What I do when preparing for an IPA is watching an interview in Spanish or reading a Spanish news article and testing myself to see what I understand from it. If it’s an oral IPA, just make up a couple of possible prompts and have practice conversations with your friends that take Spanish. Alternatively, listen to some Bad Bunny as a confidence booster to make you feel like you’re consuming more Spanish to “study.”

Q: What are beans made of?

A: Umm … this is by far the strangest question I’ve received. I don’t know what you mean by this? Like black beans, kidney beans, pinto beans, etc.? Or jelly beans? Beans, at the most basic level, are seeds with proteins and fibers and all. Jelly beans are just sugar. If you have further bean inquiries, please direct them to a botanist.

Q: Please give me all the rizz tips! How do I talk to my crush without being awkward or bursting out laughing!?!?

A: When you’re talking to your crush, show them that you’re comfortable hanging out with them: Smile, joke, and be natural as if you’re talking to one of your friends. Most importantly, be confident in yourself and your rizz abilities. Confidence gets you places — and people. If you really can’t keep it together, go to the bathroom to laugh and then return calm, cool, and collected. As you know, I have W rizz, so please reach out to me in future advice columns if you have any more rizz-related questions.