Breaking News: Boys Soccer Wins Metros (after an undefeated season!)!


Center back Evan R. ’24 takes center stage as he glances in amazement at the 23-0 scoreboard.(Mike Lengel)

The grass is greener on the other side — of the field. The spring air is crisp and full of hype. Lakesiders pack the sidelines of Parsons Field in a clamoring display of school spirit. The mascot is running amok. Upon the bleachers, not a single empty, cold, uncomfortable seat exists. Emotions are high as sweaty men and fans alike battle for the victory of a lifetime. The two teams have been neck and neck all game, until Lakeside ramped it up in the final five minutes. Whatever Coach said at halftime must’ve been really something (“please”)!

Soccer phenom Ari G. ’23 scored his first ever triple double, attributing his incredible debut to Lebron.

The undisputable GOAT Ari G. ’23 took to the pitch at a young age, and ever since he’s been determined to carry on Lebron’s legacy.(Ari G. ’23)

With a beautiful side-spinning shot from center back Evan R. ’24, the victory is clinched. Lakeside boys soccer wows their many, many, many fans as they deal a crushing blow to Lincoln in the Metro finals. Score: 23-0 as a hat-tip to the graduating seniors (it would have been higher, if not for CYO regulations). 

In preparation for this game, captains Toby Z. ’23 and Josh K. ’23 spent hours making personalized friendship bracelets for every member of the team, which contributed immensely to their success. Soccer phenom Ari G. ’23 scored his first ever triple-double, attributing his incredible debut to Lebron James. “I couldn’t have done it without him,” says Ari, whilst posing with his shiny new trophy. “He’s such an inspiration in our field.” Lebron has been a trailblazer in the soccer community, and Ari strives to emulate every part of his play, including adopting his pre-game breakfast: mountains of french toast, heaps of scrambled eggs, and a drizzle of bordelaise. He also incorporates daily (24-hour) matches of FIFA 16 to visualize his goal scoring ability, which have compounded his rate of shooting accuracy tenfold.

A beautiful side-spinning shot from center back Evan R. ’24 clinches the victory, and Lakeside takes the lead.

Ari was not the only one who had an amazing game last week; in fact, every player on the field (and on the bench) rose to the challenge against Lincoln. This historic and record-breaking success will be remembered for generations as the first time a spring sport has won anything or done anything well. No one thought they could do it, but they did. This should be a lesson to us all: when the odds are stacked against you, and no one shows up for the games, and your record isn’t shaping up well — you got it on lock! As another soccer phenom once said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Go Lions!