“Get Your Bag Up”: Hieu Offers Dating Advice


People love to hate on rom-coms. They are notorious for being horrible, and there are many reasons why. Reasons for such a reputation are commonly directed at the two-dimensional characters or the predictable and poorly written scripts. I believe that the hatred against rom-coms lies within our internal defiance. You see, rom-coms represent all that is good in an otherwise depressing world. Rom-coms make you believe that the right person will come into your life at any given moment and change it forever. They make you believe that there is a remote possibility that you don’t have to be wrapped up in blankets alone on a Friday night eating a tub of ice cream, watching sappy movies to make yourself feel less lonely. Roms-coms fill your mind with endless possibilities and hope. 

All these movies convince you that perhaps there is more to life than getting your bag up. Rom-coms make you believe that there may be hope regardless of your background or your circumstances, or your horrible dating record. Humans are driven by feeling—to feel something is the pursuit in which everyone takes part. Rom-coms are deadly in that they make you feel what you have never felt before. They make you realize how much you are capable of feeling and awaken you to all the possibilities of life. However, once the movie ends, most people feel a sort of emptiness, realizing how single they are. People like to deny their loneliness, usually through affirmations, which is about as effective as putting a bandaid on a knife wound. Soon the watchers are left with a harsh realization and nothing to blame besides the movie. However, the glass is half full, not empty; therefore, people should rearrange their perspective and realize how not single they could be. The rollercoaster of rom-coms leaves people pondering life’s possibilities, but many refuse to accept that such euphoria exists on earth. Despite this, with each rom-com ingested, people begin to accept the endless possibilities that their lives contain. The people who hate on rom-coms simply have not watched enough to realize the magnitude of their importance. Rom-coms are the symbolization of bliss; the only thing standing between you and a life full of utter delight is simply the belief that such a life exists. 


Right about now, you may be asking yourself why I, of all people, am taking time out of my busy day to write a Tatler article on rom-coms. The answer is simple, really: I love romcoms and am tired of not being able to talk to my fellow bros about the subject. Being the holder of the all-time school bench press record and the undisputed, undefeated boxing champion, many people assume I am uber-masculine. However, despite this being completely true, sometimes I need a break from my testosterone filled day-to-day life. Rom-coms are a good way of developing my slightly-softer-but-still-extremely-hard side. When I watch rom-coms, I feel a little slight warmth in my heart, and I am almost touched. During the climax of the particularly good ones, I might even almost maybe feel like shedding a tear. Of course, this tear is metaphorical as men who can press 315 with ease don’t cry. Despite not being able to cry, I still have emotions, and I have found getting in touch with my emotions can help me comprehend the emotions of others better. However, this desire to understand the feelings of others doesn’t come from a sweet place in my heart, but rather the desire to optimize my emotional and psychological warfare capabilities. Although perhaps this emotional development could also help me with critical evaluation of my life and a deeper understanding of my relationships, which isn’t necessarily the worst thing in the world.

Through my extensive watching of rom-coms, I have developed a firm understanding of relationships. Being the selfless humanitarian I am, I will give you this advice for free. It is simple, and it works wonders. However, inaction will lead you nowhere, so it is essential that you follow through. Although I believe that love does exist, Seattle is the exception, so if you want any hope of being in a healthy, only semi-toxic relationship, the first step is to move to Portland. Nowadays, it is not normal to meet people naturally, and as a matter of fact, if any couple tells you that their relationship was formed through something other than DM-sliding or Tinder swiping, they are lying! Get Tinder, get Platinum, and get to work.