Lakeside Physics recently announced on their SoundCloud account major changes to classes in light of various critiques and mysterious budget raises. Here are a list of revamps that will be implemented in the 2025-26 school year:
New Course Names
We know students have been complaining about confusing course naming. For example, Honors Physics was just regular Physics with more ten-page packets for homework, and Calc-Based Physics didn’t actually contain any calculus. In addition, we recognize the growing need to put smart-sounding courses on college applications. Without further ado, Physics is replaced by Advanced Arithmetic-based Newtonian Motion, Honors Physics is replaced by Honors Accelerated Trigonometry-based Newtonian Motion, and Calc-Based (still remaining a yearlong elective) is replaced by College-Level Research of Fundamental Reverse Integration Applications in Thermodynamics, Optics, Kinematics, Electromagnetism, and Nuclear Physics (TOKEN).
New Electives
Lakeside has many brilliant students with wide ranges of interests. To accommodate these passions, we’re excited to announce five brand-new semester-long electives. While TOKEN will still cover the fundamentals of physics, our first two rigorous fall semester electives will allow students to advance in a specific field of physics. Small but Mighty: Quantum Physics and Black Hole Studies will take a deep dive (literally, in the second case) into their respective (gravitational) fields to teach students cutting-edge (event horizon) developments.
As a breakthrough leader in education, for spring, we invite you to three new cross-discipline courses. First, Three Body in Dancing and Literature will teach students about the chaotic motion of three gravitationally interlocked objects through interpretive tri-student dances, and the analysis of motifs in The Three-Body Problem by Cixin Liu. This course counts for either a PE, English, or science credit.
Second, Studies in Culture and Physics will teach students to view and critique physics through different historical lenses, such as a 14th century philosopher living in Al-Andalus, or a peasant experiencing the Protestant Reformation. The course will culminate in a three-week long project on the Chinese Cultural Revolution where students disprove various reactionary “laws” of physics (like Einstein’s laws of general relativity) and explain their imperialist and bourgeois nature. This class counts for either a history or science credit.
Last, Accelerated Math-Based Physics BC will appeal especially to students interested in mathematics. Instead of just drawing force diagrams, students will learn basic addition, subtraction, multiplication, and occasionally, division to solve real-life physics situations (like the kinetic energy of a penguin shot out of a cannon). This course counts for either a math or science credit.
New Curriculum and Projects
We value our students, and we want to make learning fun, innovative, and easy. Therefore, we have decided to no longer teach gravity in order to make calculations simpler. Instead, students will be flown to space on Lakeside’s brand new R-7 Semyorka Molniya-E6 to run experiments. Additionally, who wants to have someone else teach you Newton’s Laws? Now, students will be handed two one-kilogram balls and a speedometer and asked to derive all laws by themselves to spice up learning. Also, since this can be challenging physics for slower learners, in order to deepen understanding, all students will now, in addition to force diagrams and vector equations, provide an artistic interpretation for all physics problems using papier-mâché, as well as publish a manuscript in Latin drawing connections between the problem and their experience standing up to toxic societal norms as a teenager. For extra credit, students may choose to find a numerical answer to the scenario.
Shoot, we also received complaints that the Moon Asteroid project and Car Crash Reconstruction projects were too violent. In order to keep Physics kid-friendly, students will instead be asked to find out the duration and predicted landing site for various anti-communist pamphlets falling out of planes, and apply these findings in real life using Lakeside’s new fleet of Cessna Turbo Stationair HDs. Additionally, Physics students will use findings from the unit on acceleration in conjunction with Physiology students to determine the maximum G-force a human body can withstand. For their final, students will put their hypothesis to the test during the annual Spring Formula One racing trip in Orlando where the penalty of failure is “splat.”
We hope that these changes will make Physics much more engaging and educational! See you next year — don’t forget to bring your space suit.
