At their most recent meeting, the staff of long-standing school paper Tatler faced an unprecedented problem when they officially ran out of ideas. Tatler staff had been scrambling to find something interesting to report after discovering that virtually nothing had changed in the last month. The student body, they found, had remained adequate while surpassing no expectations in sports, academics, and the arts.

Opinions editor Samara N. ’26 attempted to remedy the problem by gathering “hot takes” from students, who were surprised to find that liking Taylor Swift no longer made them special. “It’s impossible,” she said, over WCC coffee that was neither cheap nor expensive. “I’ve talked to over 50 students and all of them asked if their dislike of Stanley cups was too controversial to publish.” Other proposed solutions, including restaurant reviews, scenic paintings, and politics were all turned down upon staff members discovering the outside world to be no more interesting. Every restaurant had already been reviewed, scenic views were blocked by construction of a non-controversial building — which was progressing exactly on schedule — and, of course, a completely un-noteworthy political climate.

Tatler advisor James Collins attributed the issue to the incoming freshman class. “The class of ’24 brought so much extra energy to our campus,” Mr. Collins said on Friday. “Without them, or any help from the exceptionally unexceptional class of ’28, we’ve gone from extraordinary to just, well, ordinary.” Dr. Bynum declined to comment, but emphasized at a board meeting last week that he will not “implement excess changes just to give Tatler something to talk about.”

Unless something interesting happens in the next month, the administration has mandated that Tatler cease publishing the paper, after calling the most recent issue an “insult to trees.” Despite the apathy of the administration and student body, the Tatler staff are hopeful that reports of the paper’s end will be newsworthy enough to revive it.