In its latest attempt to stay at the cutting edge of … something, Lakeside faculty have been introduced to a Red-Yellow-Green AI Policy, a bold new initiative aimed at ensuring AI is used “ethically” and “responsibly” in classrooms — though nobody is quite sure what that means.
The policy, which categorizes AI usage into red (absolutely banned), yellow (proceed with caution), and green (we guess this is fine), was announced in a faculty-wide email that immediately crashed the school’s servers due to excessive legal jargon. According to the administration, the goal is to “streamline learning while maintaining academic integrity”—which, in practice, seems to involve a lot of extra paperwork and the lingering sense that someone, somewhere, is watching.
“This isn’t about limiting AI,” assured one administrator who spoke on condition of anonymity. “It’s about making sure AI is being used thoughtfully and in alignment with our core values.” While watching the video replay of the interview, Tatler noticed that the administrator had quietly turned on a monitoring system that recorded copy-pastes on all faculty laptops.
Despite the initial confusion, the administration remains optimistic, calling the new policy a “step forward in responsible AI implementation”—though it is unclear whether that phrase itself was AI-generated.
Students, for their part, are bracing for inevitable future expansions of the policy, including:
- A Red-Yellow-Green policy for Google searches (Research is allowed, but too much efficiency is suspicious)
- Mandatory AI-awareness seminars (with essays graded by the very AI tools they’re warning against)
- A disciplinary system for “AI-adjacent thinking” (if your answer sounds a little too well-written, JC!)
Who knows what’s next?
