Lakesiders have love problems. Last month, I was inundated with “Tatler” poll respondents asking me their deepest love-related questions. So, I’m back again with yet another beloved advice column, answering the leftover questions from last month.
How to hold hands?
Umm … are you asking how to physically hold someone’s hand or how to approach the idea of holding hands with a crush? If it’s the former, just reach over while you’re walking together and intertwine your fingers with theirs. Bonus points if it’s raining and you’re carrying an umbrella over your heads. As for the latter question, it needs to be gradual. You have to start with making sure that they’re okay with physical touch. Brush an arm or leg against theirs; if they don’t pull away immediately, move on to putting your arm around their shoulder when you’re next sitting together. If they appear comfortable with that step, you can safely try holding their hands while walking. At the end of the day, just make sure that you’re re- specting your partner’s body language and boundaries. If they don’t want to hold hands, that’s totally valid.
What to do when you’re really confused by your situationship?
I know it’ll be awkward, but you’re going to have to have a conversation to clarify the terms of your relationship. There’s no other way to understand what’s going on in a situationship, and waiting to ask will just increase your confusion. Tell your situation that you want to talk to them about the nature of your relationship going forward. Ask them about their hopes for the relationship and feelings about you and come clean about your own ideas. If you’re actually into them, ask if they’d be willing to commit to a more serious relationship. If not, either step away from the situationship, or keep it going as something more casual.
How to stop being so unhealthily obsessed with the most perfect celebrity men?
You can’t. I’m sorry, I can’t help you with that one. It’s impossible.
What if I’m a freshman and I like a senior?
First, figure out if it’s actually romantic attraction or platonic admiration. It’s easy to get your feelings confused, so make sure you clear that up for yourself. If you’re sure you have a crush on them — I hate to be the one to say this — don’t act on it. A three- or four-year age gap might not sound like too much, but it means a lot in high school. Freshmen and seniors have vastly different maturity levels and life experiences. Combine that with the fact that the senior is nearly or already a legal adult and that they’ll likely be in college next year … and you have a problematic relationship on your hands.
Suppose you have a static compatibility value with every single person (zero to one, one meaning maximum compatibility). Suppose this value is on some sort of distribution (gaussian or uniform could be good to investigate). Given that you will meet people in a random order, you can compare compatibility perfectly (but cannot estimate compatibility), and you can only meet each person once, what is the optimal strategy for maximizing compatibility?
No. As much as I love math, this whole question is flawed. You can’t put romance into a mathematical equation or derive an “optimal strategy for maximizing compatibility.” Falling in love just happens, no math necessary.
Lakesiders have love problems. Last month, I was inundated with “Tatler” poll respondents asking me their deepest love-related questions. So, I’m back again with yet another beloved advice column, answering the leftover questions from last month.
Is dating in high school worth it?
First, let me make it abundantly clear that dating in high school is not a requirement by any means. You can still graduate having had a fulfilling experience without going on a single date in all four years of high school. However, I do see some merit to dating in your teenage years. Dating in high school can give you experience early on with how to rizz someone up, cultivate healthy relationships, and potentially (honestly, more like probably) how to deal with break-ups. And frankly, dating someone is almost like having a really, really close best friend. With all the stress of school, it’s always nice to have more people in your corner to support you.
I can’t tell if this girl is into me or if we’re just texting, I also already have a girlfriend, What should I do?
Wow. Sounds like a real pickle. If you’re unsure, veer on the side of caution. Let the girl who’s texting you know that you already have a girlfriend, so the intentions on your side are just for friendship. Basically, firmly friend-zone the girl you’re texting. I think it’s fine to have girl (notice the space) friends when you’re dating another girl, but the boundaries of those friendships have to be crystal clear. Also, trust is key in relationships, so I’d advise you to tell your girlfriend about this issue.
Do you think, in the end, love really does conquer all?
That’s actually a really profound philosophical question. I tend to be an optimistic person (read: hopeless romantic), so I’d like to wholeheartedly say that love can conquer all. After all, every rom-com ever has told me so. But my more pragmatic side points out the flaws in assuming that some sort of idealized “true love” is the solution to all life’s problems. I think falling in love is a beautiful experience and finding your life partner will make you feel more complete, but it won’t mean you suddenly lose all the stresses and troubles of life. Find ways to cope with your own demons before you focus your energy on running into the open arms of a knight in shining armor.
