There’s something I’d like to disclose at this time, and it’s hard for me to share, but I’m going to be vulnerable. I am, in theory, a member of Nordhoff. I’m not proud of it. (Nordhoff house leaders — I’m sorry. It’s not your fault.) At least I’m not from Auslander, though! That’s something I would never admit. Due to my shifting loyalties, I have temporarily assumed the role of a Trudgian member because it’s the best team, and I always accidentally wear black on House Assembly days anyway. 

After the entirely underwhelming Tapas Day that stood in its place last year, I wasn’t sure what to expect of this past April’s Student Sponsored Day. I’d heard rumors surrounding bubble soccer and was appalled to discover its absence on the schedule each Lakesider received, yet something even better caught my eye: House Assembly. 

Now, if I had to count the number of times that an impromptu “tie” was called or one of the games wasn’t played to fruition, this article might be even more boring. So I’m going to avoid that and instead give you my completely unbiased review of the House Assembly, even though the editor of this section was one of the organizers; therefore, read with a critical eye in case I was censored.

To kick things off, we began with the usual house leader run-around and crowd stand-up-and-yell. This is a very important part of the House Assembly process, and I appreciated the work of Natalie B. ’24 and Justin Y. ’23, along with all the house leaders, in order to get us properly hype. At this point I was sitting in Holcenberg because I didn’t have enough time to cross the gym to Trudgian (bad judgment call), so I didn’t cheer very loudly. Gotta stay loyal to Trudgian.

Blood was flowing when the opening pickleball event started — otherwise known as “everyone who has ever played at State for tennis tries a sport they are somewhat less good at.” Let’s not dwell on this one. I don’t know how neither Trudgian, where my heart lies, nor Holcenberg, who I was sadly still sitting with, advanced to the final, yet Auslander secured a spot. Most definitely rigged. For once, however, I was proud to be Nordhoff! Pickleball is just generally a hard sport for me to watch because I have some residual freshman year trauma (due to not being able to connect the ball and paddle 90% of the time). However, I did appreciate the double court set-up so there was always something to watch and people to cheer/jeer for. 

A complaint: why was the Spotify playlist projected the entire assembly but, for some reason, barely played? It was distracting. Plus, all the songs got cut off — most notably “Jimmy Cooks” (such a bad call there). Where was the “let’s go” sound effect that so enhanced competitive spirit? Please don’t bait us with background music and not deliver on any noise. 

Four-ball four-corner soccer came next, but it certainly doesn’t deserve its own paragraph. I couldn’t tell you who the star players were, who got dunked on, who won — it was one of those games that you can’t not take your eyes off of. Oh well. Let’s call it a Trudgian W, considering that’s the most likely scenario. 

I’ll admit that Red-Light Green-Light somewhat went crazy. Whoever thought that a children’s game would work so well was totally right. I vote that next time, we incorporate more of those (Duck Duck Goose, Freeze Tag, Seven Minutes in Heaven in the lifting room, etc.). The obstacles and places to hide were a nice touch as well. My only note would be that we should level up and do more rounds. After the approximate 30 minutes it took for tired-looking house leaders to drag the blue mats out and set them up, I was expecting at least a best-of-three type situation. Instead, the house leaders had barely any break time before they were forced to resume the dragging. Overall, a decent event — but made better by the fact it counted as a Trudgian W (in this case, misnamed “tie”).

Readers, from this point on, the only way we could go was up. What event followed? Dance-off. What could one want more than to watch their peers spontaneously improvise with a wide variety of skill levels? Nothing! Even more so than their actual abilities, I was sincerely impressed with the confidence of these hoofers. Three comments: 1. After the many death drops and some substantial floor-crawling, Nordhoff was robbed of their victory, 2. Dancing to Disney music is a difficult thing to do and an even more difficult thing to watch, and 3. Auslander should never score in any place above last. 

To wrap up the games, another childhood classic: musical chairs! Personal favorite for me. At my eighth birthday party, I played musical chairs in my backyard and cried when my grandparents didn’t let me win, but I still had a wonderful time. Respect to everyone who got out of the game in the first few rounds, because it was very quickly apparent that the situation was going to become violent. I liked that house leaders were the primary game players — it really took them off their pedestal and made them feel like one of us. No surprises with the Auslander L. Sadly, Devon C. ’23 ended up fourth after the ground was snatched out from under her. Disappointed but not entirely surprised to say that Sports Editor Evan R. ’24 sold next. Do better next time (refs)!

In the final moments of House Assembly, it was down to just two people: Luke L. ’23 and Kuba H. ’23, football teammates turned mortal enemies with just a small chair separating them from ultimate glory and shame. The entire gym held its breath until the moment the “Pirates of the Caribbean” theme song abruptly paused. Immediately, Luke attempted his tried-and-true strategy of grabbing the chair and putting it in a new place before sitting, but things went awry. Kuba’s head somehow ended up inside the chair, and I became unexpectedly concerned about the possibility of a beheading-type situation. Luckily (and obviously), Luke swooped in and secured the ultimate dub for Trudgian. We wiped. That’s all there is to say! Ever noticed how “trophy” and “Trudgian” start with the same two letters?

To complete the day and top off our inevitable Trudgian W, we were provided chalk to draw with, and school ended early (if you weren’t one of the majority who had already left). Thanks to all the hard work from student organizers;  there were definitely more hits than misses this time around. Sadly, that was my last house assembly ever. Happily, I managed to go four years without being coerced into volunteering (read: no one thought I would help us win — and that was an accurate assumption). Bless up & bleed black! Trudgian for life.