To my most beloved Lion, 

Two months in, and I finally feel secure enough to write you. I’m glad all’s good at Lakeside: finals coming up, stealing on the rise, and a major Ethics Bowl dub. I can’t say life has been quite so good at “SEGL.”

If you ask me whether I’m enjoying “school” in D.C., I’d request that you keep your voice down. Most people believe I’m here just because I have an ultra-nerdy interest in the political happenings of the globe. Unfortunately, they are right. But! I have also been in hiding as part of the Unitedyay Atesstay Ederalfay Itnessway Otectionpray Ogrampray.

After I first snitched, I told the marshals I’d go anywhere in the West Coast (West Coast, Best Coast) — Portland, Los Angeles — they asked! I’d even have taken the Bay Area if it meant staying closer to home. Instead, they’ve stuck me right where I never wanted to be: D.C., the Washington of the East Coast. 

I’d love to shield you from the realities of being stranded here, but I have to tell you the truth: I wake up everyday sweaty, restless, and at 6:45 A.M. One of my classmates once said, “I see snitches everywhere.” I see enemies. They infiltrate my dreams, my classes — even my Wednesday brunches with the President. One minute, a rainstorm attacks me — God shedding tears down on my business casual getup; the next, I’m cooked by a blinding sun like I’ve entered the depths of hell. Maybe I have. 

Oh, Lion! People here honk every five minutes. They eat Dunkin Donuts instead of Krispy Kreme. They devalue and deprioritize parking. I’m forced to walk everywhere. I’m forced to exercise! They want me to not only change myself, but change the entire world. How am I supposed to do that when the world wants me behind bars?!

Not to wax too poetic about Lakeside, but I miss it: Seattle springs, fatal whirlpool puddles in Red Square, and of course, Tatler (😉). But just know I’m safe. And that’s what counts. I hope to see you all soon — after this semester, I’ll have hopefully stopped receiving death threats and undergone extreme facial-changing plastic surgery. For now, I’ll keep you in the Capitol of my heart. Please do not respond to this letter. Burn it after you finish reading.

Sincerely, 

Stelleeay