With Lakeside’s endowment surpassing $250 million, it was clear they needed a place to spend it.

Boccuzzi was confident from the start: “For me, it was an obvious choice.”

Some might think this obvious choice was investing in smaller class sizes, more club funding, or to the dismay of many, higher teacher salaries, but no. Instead, Boccuzzi set his sights on something a bit unpredictable (yet equally important): getting his hands on the infamous Hermès Birkin bag. Its compact design, elegant 18-karat gold plated hardware, and togo leather left Boccuzzi mesmerized. 

Innocent Boccuzzi says he will “spare no cost to get one.” However, acquiring a Birkin is easier said than done. Even if you have the money, you can’t just waltz right into Hermès and get a Birkin. Babes, no no no. The journey begins with establishing a relationship — friendly, yet professional — with a sales associate, and pretending you’re interested in Hermès’ nastiest products. Birkin bait is key. Over the coming months you will spend thousands of dollars on things you may never use just for the hopes of being offered to buy a Birkin. Boccuzzi, not in the slightest deterred, thought to himself, “Easy enough,” and took a private jet to our local Hermès store in Bellevue to begin his quest to get a Birkin.

A tale as old as time, his fight for a Birkin began with Hermès perfume and lipstick case. Some might say you can’t put a price on smelling good, but Hermès certainly did by pricing their perfume at more than $430 for less than an ounce. People say the same about good sleep, nourishing food, and comfortable footwear, but Boccuzzi, who bought Hermès pillowcases, decorative bread and butter plates, and sandals, says, “Everything has a price.”

His advice for young Lakeside hopefuls? Boccuzzi notes that “the trick is to buy more twillies than necessary,” which, with Lakeside’s $250 million budget, wasn’t an issue. 

But despite Boccuzzi taking the Birkin bait, hook-line-and-sinker, his sales associate felt no need to reel Boccuzzi — or Lakeside for that matter — into the complex world of elite handbags. And in the end, Boccuzzi was left with no Birkin, but instead, 80 decorative tea plates, 40 bottles of perfume, 20 decorative blankets, 10 dog bowls, five paper weights, three scarves, two headbands, and one shattered ego. 

Note: To recoup costs, Lakeside has raised tuition to $160,000 a year.