MIT

Okay, the dude’s cracked at STEM, and he’s good at writing too (except he hates those English classes where you have to consider things like emotion and tone). But he’s a rower and way too intense. I’m talking about studying around eight hours before every test — I know you need to pass, but you definitely didn’t need to put 150 hours into defining a topology group for the rotations of knots. With his study habits, you two couldn’t find any time to enjoy yourselves, so you just drifted apart, and now you haven’t texted him in two months. Perhaps for the best — unless you also wanted to get dragged into doing tensor algebra in your sophomore year.

Harvard

He’s not 1000 IQ like MIT but still pretty smart — and his writing is way better. (Plus, he plays basketball instead of rowing.) But he’s also a little… elitist. I mean, you could tell from those khakis and polo shirts. He seems to think he’s better than everyone else and always knows the answer, even when he doesn’t. The three hardest words for him to say are “I don’t know.” It’s probably for the better that you ghosted him a week back, but he hasn’t gotten over it.

Stanford

Captain of the volleyball team, top of her class and a killer in poker, she’s got it all. She’s even decently kind (though not the most gracious loser you’ve ever met). And yet you can feel that there’s something off — you don’t quite know what, but behind those emerald eyes, you can see the cogs at work, trying to reap maximum benefit. After you go to one of her volleyball games, you notice that all the other players are trying to minimize their minutes because they’re scared of the captain, who is, oh right, your girlfriend. Her glances carry quite the bite, and you overhear she’s already ousted four of her teammates for ditching some practices — the question is, will she ditch you?

UW

They’ve been with you since forever — you remember messing with them in first grade, confiding about your first crush in seventh, and studying together through senior year. It’s insane you’re together now, and you’re loving every minute of it, but you can’t help thinking: does this really feel right? You’ve been so close for years — maybe even too close. Because of that, you’re considering exploring your options and seeing other people. For now, you guys still want to stay together—in some way, but you’ll have to see.

Columbia

She’s an amazing writer and a great soccer player, and her heart is always in the right place — hopefully. Ever since you got together last spring, you’ve noticed some erratic behavior like “studying” for a test the day after she took it. What could be up? A couple weeks later, you overhear a conversation between two of your friends who know that she’s been cheating on you for a few months with some random person you don’t know; you probably should’ve seen this coming when you realized she cheated on her last six math tests. Your friends were gonna tell you soon, but you burst out from behind the door in anger and shock instead. Needless to say, you’re not talking to her for a while.