Despite our little romantic experience, we’ve quickly emerged as Lakeside’s preeminent romantic advice-givers, counseling our friends enough to know the ins-and-outs of every kind of relationship. We also know exactly how to live your life to the fullest without the need for a significant other getting in your way. Read on to see our answers to reader-submitted questions!

Q: How do you talk to girls without them blocking or ghosting you?

A: You need to captivate them from the first sentence and keep them interested in you. There is a specific solution for each type of girl you may be texting. These conversation starters are sure to secure you a reply. If she gives off mom-friend vibes, ask her advice on where to buy bulk Advil and variety packs of band-aids. She will realize you are kindred spirits and propose marriage. If she is the moody loner, don’t ask her if she is Team Edward or Team Jacob. The answer will always be secret option three: Team Alice. So talk about how much you love Alice Cullen instead. If she is any other girl on the planet, bring up Harry Styles and tell her that you look just like him, or talk about Taylor Swift; your favorite albums by her are Folklore and Speak Now and you really really hate Jake Gyllenhaal.

Q: I’ve been talking to this girl over text a lot and we’ve hung out a couple times and it’s hard to tell if she likes me. She’s super sweet and kind so it’s hard to tell if compliments are just compliments or if she’s flirting. There’s a lot of “ur so pretty” “no ur so pretty” and it’s hard to tell. I’m also scared of asking her out because if she doesn’t like me I’ll lose her as a friend which I really don’t want. What should I do? 

A: You have no idea how many times this has happened to me, and I’ve always been too scared to do something. It’s always “omg you’re so cool i love ur style” and “ugh ur literally gorgeous how” but never “hey, i actually rly like u but am scared to make a move bc i don’t want to ruin our friendship.” The best thing you can do is spend one-on-one time with her! Ask her if she wants to go on a picnic or to watch the sunset or go thrifting. Anything cute that would allow you lots of time to talk. Giving specific compliments in-person is also a really great way to gauge interest. Her response will be telling. Lastly, go for it! Even if she doesn’t share the same feelings, it is clear that your friendship is already strong and that you will be able to persevere. Either way, it’s important that you stay true to yourself and don’t get yourself into a situation where you feel like you have to hide your feelings to keep the friendship going.

Q: How do I sneak someone into my room?

A: Disobeying parental orders is something we cannot condone. Therefore, we are unable to consider this inquiry. Okay, phew, I think the parents are gone. Let’s assume this is a classic movie scene. You’re on the second floor and they’re outside of the ground floor. You’ll need some time for this one to work—about a century—but what you want to do is grow your hair out long enough to romantically toss it out the window Rapunzel-style so your true love can climb up your luscious locks. If patience isn’t your forte, you can do the same thing but with your childhood zoo-themed sheets tied together for them to climb.

Q: What to do if you got friendzoned?

A: Unfortunately, there isn’t much you can do. Assuming that you still want to be friends with the person (which you probably should), you’ll just have to wait it out. You shouldn’t expect their feelings to change for you, so don’t just wait around for them to fall in love with you. It always could happen, but don’t count on it…you just have to appreciate the person for who they are as a friend.

Q: How can you make Valentine’s Day less depressing for someone not in a relationship?

A: As a single person, the best you can really do is treat it like any other day. Try not to think too much about what you don’t have and think about what you do have and what makes you happy instead. It’s always fun to pretend that you’re in elementary school and make Valentine’s cards for your friends. Call somebody you haven’t talked to in a while. Walk in between every couple you pass on the street just to spite them. For more tips, see our perfect Valentine’s Day schedule for single people below.

Q: What should you do if you’re gonna spend Valentine’s Day with friends or by yourself as a self care day?

A: Skip school and follow this schedule instead. It was tested rigorously by us.