Note: This letter was sent to Tatlerite Vincent Wilson by an anonymous student for publication in the Tatler. We all know what will become of this Tatler Issue in light of the recent toilet paper shortages. However, the student thought the message was important enough to share with the entire student body. Please read before desecration.
Dear Mr. Noe,
Right as school was closing down because of the Covid-19 virus, you received two letters/petitions from the student body. One from the students who wanted school to close, the other from the jocks who wanted to continue their Spring Season. Both letters went so far as to use MLA citations and a formal, academic tone (“look what Freshman History taught me”). Therefore, thusly, Lakeside’s Gamers will follow the precedent of both the anxious and the athlete by extending to thou, a third letter.
First, we gamers would like to send this message to Mr. Noe and the administration to show our gratitude for the school cancellation. The advent of remote learning has seen radical increases in HG/D (hours gaming per day). It’s true that adapting to social distancing and a prohibition on seeing friends have been a challenge for some students, but not gamers: voluntary isolation has always been a part of our lifestyle.
The gamers would also like to make a suggestion that may complement the remote learning curriculum. Lakeside prides itself on teaching topics that prepare students for the real world. We hope to be prepared for a world that looks increasingly apocalyptic. Instead of regular extracurriculars, gamers have been supplementing their education with various “educational simulations.”
Students who once peacefully purchased food from the school refectory now play a genre of video game known as “Battle Royale” to train for the inevitability of looting. Those who excelled in STEM classes now do real research about the spread of Covid-19 in the disease simulator “Plague Inc.” “Plague Inc.” is unparalleled as a predictive model and students have begun to “figure out what symptoms they would invest in if they were Corona.” Survivalists who roamed the pixelated expanse of “Minecraft” now prowl the wilds looking for raw materials to convert into toilet paper and hand sanitizer.
We hope that the administration begins to incorporate these real-life skills into the remote learning curriculum. The gamers are ready for a world of Covid-19. We ask that Lakeside prepare the rest of the student body. When Corona gets people down, Gamers rise up!